I saw a tweet about this article about a new welfare program where ‘street pastors’ help people on the street. I assumed it meant homeless people. The article says ‘The volunteers plan to patrol Brunswick, Smith and Swan streets to hand out blankets, bottles of water and thongs, as well as lend an ear to those who need a chat, and potentially diffuse dangerous situations.’

Fair enough, I thought. Homeless people have a difficult time and it’s good to see them getting some help. So I clicked on the link to the go to the organisation’s own site to read more. I read, then reread, what it said in disbelief.

The pastors aren’t going to be providing help to the mentally ill homeless people who really need it. It seems they are instead aiming to provide support for the suburban thugs who come into town to party and trash themselves. This is completely unnecessary middle class welfare.

Their site states ‘We will hand out bottles of water to sober people up, give thongs to those with sore feet from high heels, give blankets to the cold, help people get home safely, comfort the distraught, diffuse potentially difficult situations before they occur, protect the vulnerable, build relationships and connect people with help.’

WTF? Let me translate. They will waste money giving away bottled water to people who can afford to buy their own drinks. They’ll give disco princesses thongs to wear to stop them complaining about how sore their feet are after voluntarily wearing stupid high heeled shoes. They’ll give blankets to the bimbos who go out at night in winter half naked.

They’ll comfort the distraught bogans who sit in the gutter crying after having found their partner snogging someone else in the toilets. They’ll help people get home by calling them taxis and connect people with help, in other words call the police if the idiot twenty somethings start getting too stroppy.

If this is the modern face of Christian charity its a sure sign of the death of Christianity. I thought Jesus helped the poor and sick, not the cosseted and self-indulged. As an atheist, I think a lot of religiously inspired behaviour is absurd, but this is the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard.

These street pastors should reevaluate who really needs their help, because middle class suburbans with money to spend drinking on Smith St are definitely not the most needy peopleĀ in the City of Yarra.

please tell me this story about street pastors is satire

4 thoughts on “please tell me this story about street pastors is satire

  • 9 May 2014 at 7:52 am
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    Heard of this some days back on the Jon Faine program. Like you I was blown away at this thinly disguised program to proselytise middle class drunken brats.

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  • 11 May 2014 at 6:54 pm
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    Sounds like an advertising stunt to me – will probably turn out to be a company selling sneakers or something.

    I also wanted to point out a medical inaccuracy in their blurb – drinking water will *not* sober you up. At most, it will reduce the intensity of your impending hangover.

    Once you have consumed alcohol, it makes its way through your system at a certain rate. Nothing you eat, drink or do will get it out of your system any faster. The only way to sober up is to a) wait or b) have your stomach pumped.

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  • 11 May 2014 at 8:09 pm
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    The Salvos already do this in the city and have been for years.

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  • 19 September 2014 at 7:17 am
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    I am a street pastor.Yes I can see the point of why are we doing this for 20 somethings? Easy people make mistakes human nature to drink too much and people find themselves in vulerable situations and thank god for the street pastors.However I have my own mission which fell into my lap without me thinking about it.You see I am the person who helps the homeless the struggling the down and outs the menatilly ill.Now I do have a blog on facebbok I also volunteer at lemtils as anything in abbortsford. In the kitchen.recently a man from the salvation army said “what organisation do you belong” I replied me myself and I and the man upstairs.a lot of christians find me a threat especially padtors.on a given week I reach out to approx 5000 per week! This is in between my work.Why do I do this?? Easy – I have been in their shoes literally and I can tell you it was not fun”””especially being besye down mentality ny ones own family.I am a silent helper and so was Jesus.

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