I’ve just finished a contract job at a large business in the city. It was the most corporate environment I’ve ever worked in and, consistent with the foreignness of that to me, many of the behaviours of the suits there were equally confusing. Lots of people there make lots of money, and they certainly behave like they think they rule the world.

Consider the toilet etiquette of the male suit. I cannot describe that of the women, of course. Three situations had me baffled about how men share communal spaces and what this says about their sense of self.

First, one man regularly carried his empty coffee mug with him as he walked around the office. He’d leave it on a table near the door that led out to the central corridor where the lifts and toilets are. He’d ignore it on his way back from the toilet soon thereafter. Day after day this happened. Why couldn’t he take it to the kitchen, or even leave it on his own desk? Why dump it elsewhere?

Second, one man had left an empty small tub of diet pineapple yoghurt with a stainless steel teaspoon in it sitting on the washbasin bench in the men’s toilets. Who eats on their way to the toilet? Who thinks carrying food into a toilet is normal? And never mind that, why couldn’t he put it in the bin there?

Third, one pisser must have had flow issues. A paper handtowel was repeatedly thrown into the drain of the individual urinals on the wall. I hypothesised that he needed to wipe when he had finished urinating. The best place to do that is in a cubicle, where there is much nicer and softer paper available and a suitable place to flush it.

But this selfish moron thought it easier and better to clog up the drain of a urinal, effectively making it unusable for the rest of the day and also making a cleaner deal with the problem. This was entirely unnecessary and disgusting. He evidently thought nothing of the consequences of his actions or their effect on others.

This is one of the reasons I am so misanthropic. There’s no excuse for such stupid and self-centred behaviour and I hate it. There’s no justification for making life worse for others as a consequence for marginally improving theirs.

Their behaviour had no consequences for them because someone invisible would clean up for them each day. Each day they could make the same mess with the same lack of consequences. Groundhog Day for slobs.

I was close to writing a sarcastic note and sticking it on the wall above the urinal, but that would not have been the done thing. Not at all. In that environment being considerate appears to be a defect or a form of weakness.

the toilet etiquette of suits

9 thoughts on “the toilet etiquette of suits

  • 18 October 2011 at 10:09 am

    I like this post! This topic perplexes me. I sort of can see why (I’m about to stereotype) suits would be selfish, self-absorbed, inconsiderate and self-important, but what has always confused me is why they often also have the filthiest bathroom habits. There was a guy in an office I worked at who always walked to the amenities wearing socks without shoes. WHY?

  • 18 October 2011 at 2:14 pm

    Hi Brian

    At the Fitzroy Maternal Child Health Centre, where little Gracie and I join in the fun with the other kids and Mums on a Thursday morning playgroup, there’s a sign attached to the plumbing of the disabled toilet – the room’s big and doubles as a change room.
    “Please do not climb on the plumbing”.
    Sad, really.
    It’s the perfect height for a little brother or sister to do some adventure climbing while little brother or sister has a clean up.

    Wonder what a blue suit would do – if he found himself in there with child, by mistake?
    Probably let it happen, then:
    Pay for the damages with a Gold Amex.
    Take the Council to VCAT.
    Not see it happening.
    Blame someone else.
    All of the above.



  • 18 October 2011 at 8:55 pm

    I’d rather share a toilet with “suits” (get OVER it that’s SO 90s) than smelly,hypocritical, jealous, unsuccessful people who comment on such ridiculous things because they have nothing better to do with themselves.

  • 20 October 2011 at 1:20 am

    Just think about it next time you mindlessly crap on about how evil “suit “people are. You’re judging and you don’t like to be judged so don’t do it to others. Why bother anyway? Are you so sad that you somehow make yourself feel superior by making stupid, tedious generalisations about poeple you don’t even know?! And hey you’re the one jumping to their tune, or else why work for them – if anything you’re the sad one. How FREAKY to have someone spying on you in the toilets! Not coming back to this blog ever again – you really are an utter, boring hypocrite.

  • 20 October 2011 at 12:38 pm

    somebody call the waaahbulance for sam.

    Brian – having worked as every incarnation you can think of in an office the stories I could tell you are just appalling. I’m not sure if it’s suits or just positions of power. In my experience if someone gets into ANY position of power over someone else they exploit it (generally speaking)

    I once had a 3 year old girl stay at the sharehouse I was living in. She had never encountered a kitten before.. .within a day she was scolding and tutt-tutting the kitten in the exact same language her parents used…

  • 20 October 2011 at 11:26 pm

    I’m such a suit always try match my socks and tie and I have to say I’ve never had a problem with fellow suit’s toilet habits. But kitchens areas are a different story…

  • 21 October 2011 at 6:39 pm

    I am also appalled by the filthy and selfish self habits of pigs such as those which you have described.

    I am not alone when it comes to the feeling of disgust I often experience.

    Great post.

  • 24 October 2011 at 2:04 pm

    I work in an office and cannot believe how many men do not wash their hands…….What’s that all about?


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