I’ve been working in the CBD for the first time for a few weeks now. Previously I’d worked mainly in the CBD fringe of Carlton and Docklands. Apart from the business jargon, which is giving me an existential rash, it’s fine except for one thing. Here’s some thought leadership for you.

The CBD is full of selfish fucktards who walk along crowded footpaths and cross busy streets too intent on looking at their phones to pay attention to where they’re walking. These people think their phones are more important than their fellow citizens.

They expect the other person coming towards them to make all the effort to avoid a collision. In normal circumstances, it takes some effort from both parties to avoid contact. I refuse to consent to these retards outsourcing their share of avoiding collisions to me.

As of yesterday, I simply stopped taking their welfare into consideration. I continue to make a reasonable effort to avoid people, but if they meander and fail to navigate a conscious path through the traffic, and I cannot easily avoid them, I now let my elbows do the talking.

Of course I have the advantage as I am watching and am aware of my circumstances. So if you get elbowed in the chest or shouldered in the head it’s your fault. It’s your responsibility to pay attention. If you outsource this task to me I will do it with indifferent malice and you will get what you deserve.

outsourcing responsibility

6 thoughts on “outsourcing responsibility

  • 29 August 2011 at 3:51 pm

    Too right! I think a shoulder in the chest is pretty easy, compared to the possible car or tram plowing over them due to lack of attention

  • 31 August 2011 at 8:18 pm

    Take iStupid off them and throw it into traffic, easy fixed!

  • 1 September 2011 at 3:41 pm

    Ive been doing this (being very observant on the sidewalk and “nudging” other less observant people) everyday since I moved here two years ago. Wonder how many people I’ve wounded. Dont care. Their fault…

    I agree with you so much and am so glad to read your post. Maybe your next should be about people loving the doors on trams. Every morning running late for work I watch at least two trams go past me as “Too full” with everyone crammed around the door like dickheads when theres a bowling alley in the middle????

    The other day, I was in the middle with plenty of room enough room to dance, even a few roundhouse kicks maybe, all while a middle aged lady swung off the door rail with a potplant in her other arm. I yelled and screamed and made everyone move down (brings back memories of pre-school). I may have looked like I crazy that day, but I will continue to do so until people move away from the doors! Uh….

    • 1 September 2011 at 4:37 pm

      I yell at people on trams too to move down or get out of the doorway when people are trying to get on or off. The laziness, stupidity and selfishness of most people in public space makes me want to go postal on a daily basis…

  • 2 September 2011 at 1:40 pm

    I am so with you Brian and K. I have the luxury of working in Carlton and apart from school groups and the restaurant touts (grrr) it is much less selfish in terms of public space. When I go into the CBD I feel like the country mouse and notice how rude pedestrians are. One trick I’ve noticed, if you act like you’re not paying attention people get out of your way; if you look like you are paying attention, they don’t bother, and as you say, let you avoid the collision.

    If I catch the tram, my stop is before the CBD, and I found I had to shoe horn myself out of the 96 tram in the mornings because of the door lovers, who also all have headphones on and act totally oblivious. It was a grrr inducing way to start the day. I walk now – much less grrr – but if you can catch a bus, do so, as they are much more friendly all round for some reason – most people even thank the driver.

    Talking of pedestrians, don’t even get me started on the rudeness of a good swag of Piedimonte’s shoppers who walk right through you with an attitude of ‘too busy and important’ for basic manners.

    Anyway, enough whingeing for one day.


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