I’ve been referencing blogs I like recently in my posts, such as my homage to the Worst of Perth, and posts here and here that were influenced by I Love St Kilda. Today I’m acknowledging the creators of Melbourne fashion blogs like Super Kawaii Mama and Esme and the Laneway with an exclusive fashion feature.

On Sunday 1 March I rode to Phillip Island to watch the opening race of the 2009 World Superbike Championship. While lounging in the paddock in between races idly watching the crowd, the idea of writing about spectator fashion came to me. This is my guide to getting your look right when attending motorcycle racing. There are separate sections for bikers and tourists (people who go to bike races without riding a bike there) and for clothing and accessories.

Bikers – clothing

Leathers, fisherman hats and sunglasses are key this season. I think this dude is checking out the sponsorship models, or maybe he’s praying. Oh great Dainese, drinker of blood, mover of mountains, blessed be thy Biaggi that he does not fall on his arse at turn 1 like he did last year…

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Matching gear. If your brother / best mate / boyfriend has a jacket you like then you should get one too. It’s so flattering.

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Cammo and cameras. Because you want to blend in, obviously.

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Bikers – accessories

A bike of course!

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Plastic rain poncho (never mind that it’s not raining) and a beer for each hand. Maybe the poncho is to protect against opening a can your mate mischeviously shook while you weren’t looking…

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Helmet on a string. Carrying your helmet in your hand is just not done anymore. Put it in it’s protective bag and walk around with it like you’re taking a dog for a walk.

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Toddlers. WTF? How do you get a kid and a pram on a bike? The truth behind this may be weird. Perhaps the more directional metrosexual biker can hire small children for the afternoon to help maintain his family look.

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Tourists – clothing

Scarf (beginner). It can be very cold at Phillip Island so a scarf, a hat and a hoodie are all good.

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Scarf (advanced). I previously defined ‘seasonal dysmorphia‘ as the inconsistent wearing of warm weather and cool weather clothing together. Surely if it’s warm enough for thongs it’s too warm for a scarf, or if it’s cool enough for a scarf it’s too cool for thongs. I bet she whinges about how cold she is all day…

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Thongs. Partially covered in the description above, but you never know when you may need thongs, so it’s best to carry a spare pair like the dude below.

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Colour coordination. This dude has cleverly combined his Suzuki jacket, Crumpler bag and cap into a designer ensemble. He should be carrying the umbrella too because it goes with his outfit, not hers.

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Tourists – accessories

Grass. Get the authentic paddock look by drinking a few cans of bourbon and cola then roll around on the grass. If the grass does not stick to your shirt, repeat until you are satisfied that your shirt is sufficiently covered.

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Paddock and pit lane passes. All race fans need to know that you can never have enough.

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Mobile phones. ‘I am Gen Y and I can never be alone. The further away from civilisation I am the more I need my personal self-actualisation device. I am the centre of my own universe.’

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Beach towels. The more lifestyle oriented race tourist is not interested in practical items like plastic lined waterproof picnic blankets, which are useful when sitting on the often cold and / or wet ground at Phillip Island. Why not treat the race like a day at the beach and use a beach towel instead?

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What not to wear

Marketing attire. Motor racing is incredibly brand conscious and sponsor oriented, but there are degrees of lameness. Wearing brands you don’t believe in is crass and superficial. Using women as walking billboards is so dumb. You can tell by the looks on their faces that they don’t believe it.

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Heels. Oh so good in dirt and grass.

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what to wear to the (motorcycle) races

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