There was another article in the Age the other day about the issue of accidental fatherhood. This issue makes me so mad! I think men who take no responsibility for contraception and then complain about being stuck paying child support are stupid. I’ve written before that men need to take responsibility for contraception in heterosexual relationships.
It’s really very simple. Enjoy sex but be realistic. Never trust a woman who says you don’t need to use a condom because she is on the pill. She may be telling the truth, but then she may be lying, drunk or manipulative. Maybe she is taking antibiotics, which reduces the effectiveness of the pill. May be she forgot to take it on the day you got together. You can’t know.
If it is a casual encounter you probably don’t know her well, so how can you know if you can trust her? She may be naive, irresponsible or crazy. She may be one of those people who has complex and ambiguous feelings about sexuality, and who finds it difficult to acknowledge her own sexual feelings and desires.
Some people find it difficult to reconcile being a desiring sexual being with the moral propaganda they have been indoctrinated with. They often respond by being sexually reserved when sober and sexually rampant when drunk, which relieves them of conscious responsibility for their behaviour, and provides a convenient excuse to placate their shame or regret the next day.
She may be desperate for a baby and willing to have sex with you in order to get pregnant. She may only be after sperm, but she could also be after money. Once the baby exists you have to pay child support. Why do men give away their sperm more easily than they hand over their car keys? Do they want 18 years of financial ruin?
Regardless of the contraceptive issue, men should be using condoms for the sake of their sexual health. Men should not trust women who are willing to compromise their own sexual health by having sex without a condom. If a woman thinks that is acceptable, then men should assume that the woman already has a sexually transmitted infection.
When it comes to sex, men and women make poor decisions. Is it that good or that important that all common sense should be abandoned when sex is available? If you enjoy the pleasure of casual encounters and the financial freedom of the childfree life and want to maintain it, why risk years of poverty for one encounter? Paying child support may mean not having money for a social life, and this will undermine your sexual success in the future.
So will suffering a sexually transmitted infection. Not only are there potentially uncomfortable symptoms and visits to doctors and clinics for tests and treatment, but there’s the chance you’ll pass it on. And that is another path to involuntary celibacy. What if you’ve just met someone special and you give them an infection?
Contraception and safer sex strategies are not perfect, and being sexually active has consequences. Ignoring those consequences often results in unnecessary suffering. People who don’t value what they have lose it too easily. Why is my rational selfishness apparently so rare?