This post contains part two of a story about a recent evening on Smith St at A mic in hand at Vibe cafe.

I felt sympathetic towards the heckler, whose point of view was similar to mine, and drifted out of Vibe with her and her friend. I too thought Stilson had been somewhat sexist and insensitive in his comments (and at very least he was not at all funny). On the footpath on Vibe’s tables and benches we sat and talked (or rather the heckler ranted with increasing incoherence at me and her friend). The friend soon said she was going home to her girlfriend. Upstairs I had thought that the heckler and her friend were a couple, but evidently they were not.

I hung around wondering if I would need to stop a fight between the heckler and either of the two of the evening’s performers (also hanging out on the footpath) that she was determined to talk to. Stilson had apparently left in a fury but the heckler and I talked to Yianni and then Sanz (or she ranted again and I tried to moderate the conversations to stop the comedians walking away in exasperation). Both were charming, polite and more than considerate given the heckler’s volatile behaviour.

The heckler had had a few champagnes but did not seem seriously drunk. She exhibited the classic dangerous mix of sexy and insane that I used to find intoxicating in my twenties but which I’ve long since learned to avoid. She was very touchy-feely, disinhibited and a self confessed mess. My alarm bells were ringing and I took nothing for granted about her desires or preferences.

The heckler was holding my hand and putting it on her thigh while telling Sanz that she had slept with a woman comedian they both admired. I have enjoyed the company of bisexual women in the past and I’m am not possessive or controlling in my relationships with women, so nothing in this was new to me. I’ve lived a relatively calm life for a few years and the circumstances almost made me nostalgic.

Previous experience gave me insight and patience. I would wait for a polite moment then physically withdraw a little, removing my hand from her thigh and putting it neutrally on my own leg or on the table. The heckler quickly grabbed me again. This was repeated several times.

After our conversations with Yianni and Sanz the heckler and I continued talking together. She rubbed herself against me several times. I told her how I enjoyed her attention and how the physical contact with her made me feel. Most men would reasonably interpret this physically affectionate behaviour as flirtation or foreplay, but that would have been a serious mistake.

I directly questioned her about her motivation, and asked whether or not her intentions were sexual. She said they were not, which was the answer I was expecting. Inappropriate overfamiliarity and excessive disinhibition are signs of psychological instability, not arousal.

Being on the receiving end of this type of behaviour is simply too good to be true, and I’ve learned to back away slowly from such dysfunctional women. The heckler wanted attention, but not sexual attention. She had a very poor way of communicating this, which was counter-intuitive and paradoxical, and seemed completely unaware of how her behaviour could be interpreted by the people she interacted with.

Taking her behaviour at face value and responding accordingly could have resulted in her later accusing me of being inappropriate. If the heckler had met a man with fewer scruples or a poorer understanding of the complex interaction of sexual politics and body language, she may have found herself in difficult circumstances.

My tolerance for space cadets has decreased with age. The complete disconnect between her behaviour and her intentions annoyed and frustrated me; it was late and I wanted to go home. I managed to put the heckler onto the last 86 tram to Northcote and I walked home alone.

It was a shame because I’ve recently become single again and, apart from the insanity, she was exactly my type: similar age to me (mid – late 30s), educated and curious, with an animated personality and a complicated sexual identity. I also liked her style: flat Mary Jane cherry leather shoes, ripped tights, op shop dress, messy hair and minimal makeup.

It was not quite the night I had been expecting.

apart from the insanity, she was exactly my type

11 thoughts on “apart from the insanity, she was exactly my type

  • 22 March 2009 at 11:03 pm
    Permalink

    Beautifully and honestly written. Funny how those short encounters can be so unsettling.

    Reply
  • 22 March 2009 at 11:50 pm
    Permalink

    as the saying about women goes mate. Good looking, intelligent, or sane. Pick any two

    Reply
  • 23 March 2009 at 10:05 am
    Permalink

    Really interesting couple of posts. Great work.

    Reply
  • 23 March 2009 at 10:42 am
    Permalink

    That is very honest and, yes, she probably hasn’t reached the age she has without someone pointing out to her the inappropriateness of her behaviour.
    Oh and she’s quite sane – she knew exactly what she was doing, it’s a power play with button pushing.

    Reply
    • 23 March 2009 at 11:33 am
      Permalink

      That is what I find most troubling – never knowing what someone is really thinking and thus not being able to trust them. The result is I simply don’t let them push my buttons and I walk away…

      Reply
  • 23 March 2009 at 11:09 am
    Permalink

    Good on you for supporting comedy, although personally I find shambolic nights like the one you described more interesting than sitting through 60 minutes of Adam Hills. Each to their own though.

    I must say that you were asking for trouble by engaging with a drunk (you said she wasn’t completely drunk but by your description, she sounded absolutely plastered) woman, and seem so surprised by her behaviour. Her communication was poor because she was…. drunk. You said that you stay away from women like these, that you learned your lession in your 20’s – but you haven’t at all. You would have stayed away from her after hearing her heckle. Sure you may have agreed with her heckle, but did you yell out to the comedian on stage? People who heckle are either idiots, or drunk.

    You’ll probably disregard all that I’m saying but you simply got what you asked for.

    Reply
    • 23 March 2009 at 11:39 am
      Permalink

      The night Adam Hills was on at A mic in hand was great, but I gather you mean Spicks and Specks on TV. The point of the story is that the heckler was not seriously drunk. A few drinks during a show lasting about 3 hours is not overdoing it. Her attitude was the issue, not alcohol. Her heckling made perfect sense and I agreed with it, and yes I’ve interacted with comedians at A mic in hand, inluding with Adam Hills recently. The only thing I as asking for that evening was to have a fun time, which didn’t happen, but I did have an interesting and bemusing evening. You sound rather judgemental about my behaviour and also very determined to judge the heckler based on her drinking, which I already explained was not the major issue.

      Reply
  • 23 March 2009 at 12:35 pm
    Permalink

    Yes I did sound judgemental, sorry for any offense. But I read your entry again and it’s a jaw-dropping post for all the wrong reasons.

    Reply
    • 23 March 2009 at 12:38 pm
      Permalink

      Thanks – yes it was one of those surreal experiences that comes along occasionally to remind you of your own sanity!

      Reply
  • 23 March 2009 at 1:38 pm
    Permalink

    hey Brian, sorry to hear about your breakup. i was wondering what you were up to with her until you dropped that in ;)

    bit of a double-barreled pair of posts! not only do i agree with your view on the lack of professionalism/courtesy of the organisers of the event that week, but your thoughts throughout the interaction with the heckler out the front afterwards sound like my own in situations like that, right down to the post’s title :) – as ‘pete’ said, good looks, intelligence, sanity – too often it’s “pick any two” – i often can’t decide which ;)

    Reply
    • 23 March 2009 at 1:50 pm
      Permalink

      I wasn’t even trying to pick up as I thought she was with her female friend at first, and then I realised she was mental! But it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been hit on by a woman who says she’s a lesbian but who also claims to have a secret craving for cock… Pete is being a bit provocative but the theory holds that you can never seem to get anything you want from one person. My new plan is to stop trying to achieve this impossible goal :-)

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You own the copyright of your comment. By submitting your comment you grant this site a perpetual license to reproduce your words and name/web site in attribution.